Part 40: Shenron Hasn't Been Summoned Yet!! But Can Our Heroes Defeat The Pilaf Fusion Mech?!

Howdy, folks, and welcome back to Attack of the Saiyans! Last time, we moseyed our way into Pilaf's Castle and worked through a good portion of it, and snagged some treasure. Today, we're going to snag the best treasure from the place and finish it off, so let's head out.



I always forget how short Pilaf's Castle really is. In fact, we're nearly done with it. I'd reckon we're about 85% of the way through the place just by making it here. We've a little more real estate to cover and a boss to fight, then we're done.





We'll also meet another new enemy this update, but he's kind of rare, and I only found the one, so I don't have shots of his attacks, but we've seen his type before.



There's also a panda enemy wandering around here, but I'll be fucked if I can actually find the non-mating son of a bitch.



Of course I'll push a button I know nothing about!



Okay, the crane started moving.



Oh, it pops back here to grab that chest. Neat!





This is an interesting piece of equipment.



Whoever has this equipped, we could take a MAX Bean and restore 500 HP to the entire party. I'm not sure how it would work with a Senzu Bean or a Hermit Water. I should probably check into that.



Assuming I remember to do so. We all know that I don't remember to test things very well.

I'd be a terrible scientist.



No image of what the view outside is, but I can deal with a Skill Fruit.



I could have sworn that you could at least check this table.



And these bookshelves. The rest of the game has quite a lot of flavor text and there being none here seems...Well, I don't know the word I want here, but I don't like it.

No sir. Don't like it.



We can't find Pilaf's and Shu's collection of weird porno mags, or Mai's collection of novels based on video games, but we can see that this bigass machine has a mysterious use.



There are also no encounters in this room. I'm not sure why, since there isn't much going on in here.





We're back at the beginning of the Castle right now. This block is what was blocking the ladder earlier.



With that, we now have a shortcut to the entrance of Pilaf's Castle!

A lot of these shortcuts will be very important later on. If you know why I say that, keep quiet about it until we get there.



Moving right along.





The Sniper doesn't show up often. He's a recolored Refugee, who we last saw at Holly Plains, but far more dangerous.



With 1,340 HP, he's not too hard to take down. He shows up alone, so you can focus fire on him.



If you don't, he'll pop off the screen and a crosshair will appear. Whichever character it hits, unless they have protection against it, is instantly killed, and you don't get a chance to Guard against it.



So, yeah, you don't get to see much of him because he's not commonly found, and because I don't want anyone going six feet under.





Look at that chest. Look at it. Take it in. Remember this motherfucker. If you ever play this game, be sure to grab this fucking chest.



You're curious about the Perfume, aren't you? Why would I, a man who is named after leaving his wife, who probably used perfume to smell good, care so much about this?



Now, I know what you're thinking; Yamcha already has low HP and his Defense isn't all that great. Why tank it even more?



Just you wait and goddamn see.



I don't think are encounters in this room, either. It's really weird to me.



Has a chance to inflict Bind at the beginning of battle, if it's your Active Capsule. Yeah, right, fuck off, Binding Card.



This will raise someone's Speed by 30%, which could come in handy. This could go nicely with Krillin, since he's my main item chucker. Tien could make good use of it, since he's pretty damned slow. Gohan is slow, too, so he could benefit from this, too.





Alright, a fight! Finally!



Yeah, this is Yamcha's regular attack. Granted, there is a chain attack on the end of it, but he just did more than 800 damage without spending a Ki point.

For a quick comparison:







Hell, that's the Wolf Fang Fist against the Sniper from earlier.



And a Wolf Fang Fist right now.



Oh, yes. Yamcha is the powerhouse of the group now. For all of you who didn't believe me, which was probably 99% of you, bask in the glory of this shot.

Actually, let me put it another way: At this point in time, Yamcha is dealing more damage than Goku.





Look at these three chucklefucks. They haven't used the Dragon Balls yet!



Get a change of clothes, for starters. You've been wearing the same shit for years now; you've gotta smell like a wet fart trapped in a hot sack.





Look, just because they're popular with you doesn't mean it extends to all ladies. And don't forget, you're also the one who is going to be de-aged later on and start to date a prepubescent boy.



I...I can't believe I just typed that sentence. Dragon Ball sometimes go weird places...



Well, depends on what we're giving the money to the kids for. If we're going to make child soldiers and do some Metal Gear Solid stuff, then it could be quite evil. I think that's what happens in MGS. I'm not really sure. Wasn't Raiden a child soldier at one point? And what about that vampire guy? He was kind of a douche.



Or the fat guy on roller skates who tossed bombs around.



Alright, alright, sorry, Pilaf. I've seen LPs of the games, but I still don't know what the fuck is going on. And Phantom Pain looks like a lot of fun, but I won't know what's going on, and I've never played a game to completion (I own the second game on the X-Box), and just--



Oh, right, we're playing this game. Let's get back to that.





Surely, we could have just killed them while they were still chatting. I mean, c'mon, they shouldn't even have the Dragon Balls to begin with.



'course, that wouldn't let us have a boss fight, and I like boss fights. Because I like ridiculous amounts of EXP and boss fights tend to toss those out.





Which we could have already had if you all weren't so polite and had just demolished them upon walking in the room.



Uh-huh. Let's dance, assbutt.



Oh, holy crap, they transformed into mechs.



Let's see just how great the Perfume is.



I see, there are three of them. Too bad Krillin isn't around; he could hit all three at once with his Destructo Disk, and with Gohan firing off the Energy Blast Barrage, that would make this go so much---



Well, would you lookit that. Getting all Gurren Lagann up in this bitch.



Oh, well, let 'em fuse. It's not going to help them at all.





The Mech has 15,000 HP, which might be the highest we've encountered so far, but Yamcha, all Perfume'd up, doesn't think that's shit.



He has a few different attacks, including this one, where he just hauls out and punches someone right in the mouth.



I'm fairly certain Yamcha could solo this fight; it might be tricky, with his lowered Defense, but he's fast enough to consistently get a turn before the Fusion Mech. The Perfume will give him a pretty good boost to Speed, which Evasion is a part of, so he might even be able to dodge a good chunk of what the Mech can do.



I could test that, but then you wouldn't have this shot of Gohan being drop-kicked by a mech. And isn't that the more important thing?



Also, Gohan does not appreciate being kicked in the face.







The Mech has other attacks, but this is one of the last things he got to do. 1,500 HP seems like a lot to recover, but with Yamcha and Gohan around...Well, it'd be like giving Meg Ryan another face lift; the intentions are all good ones, but it's not going to pan out in anyone's favor.

So let's him see the error of his ways.













And just like that, we're done with Pilaf and his castle!





I think our fighters are supposed to be holding up the PIlaf Gang's unconscious bodies.



I can't help but wonder why they didn't use them, but then again, I wondered how they got the Balls so easily to begin with, and I think something popped in my brain.



Well, that would probably be a safe place to store them. But why not just take them to Kami and Mr. Popo?



Throw 'em in a broom closet and lock the door. I have a feeling they wouldn't be able to escape. And tie their shoe laces together, but not to their own shoes; tie Pilaf to Shu, and Mai to Pilaf, and Shu to both of them, and just let the incompetence trap them in there forever.



Goddammit, Tien, shut up. I'm sure I could convince Piccolo to make a big death pile with these guys.



Sorry there weren't any puppies killed, Piccolo.



Just like that, we're back at Master Roshi's place. It's just a fade to black and we're back there.



Why are you so surprised?



There are fucking seven Dragon Balls, Roshi! They each have a pattern of stars on them! Just goddamn look at them to know, you crusty old bastard!



And we're one day closer to that. Hell, there's not too much game left.



But what is left (spoiler: there's more filler), we'll need all the strength we can get.





I'm not sure you could stop him, Krillin. Yamcha definitely could, but not you. Though, it'd be interesting to be able to see two of my characters go at it; I'd like to see how they stack up against each other, and not just on paper.



That face makes me think he's going to eat Gohan.



In all fairness, Piccolo, you can't, either. Guru contributes a lot to that, but Goku and the Hyperbolic Time Chamber do a lot to it, too, and Android 16 really gets it going, when he has his head smashed by Cell.



Whatever, dude. He's past level 35, so he's good to go.





Nobody has any objections to Gohan deciding he wants to go with Piccolo.



Nobody? Really? C'mon, not even the token effort?





Guess not.





Well, those two have their business to attend to.



Everyone else?



Tien, I guarantee all of you become much stronger doing this than anything Kami has let you do. Seriously, let me try and convince Kami to send you guys off on another world-spanning journey to collect some shit.





Feh. That's the end of this update.



Oh, hell, it's the end of a chapter! Excellent! We're coming ever closer to finishing off the game!

Next time, we'll be starting the next chapter, so stay tuned!